Sand in the Gears

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It’s just policy

July 17th, 2009 Posted in Curmudgeonry

I still get surprised when complete strangers call my office, give only a first name and some financial- or insurance-sounding affiliation, and then ask me to call them back. No information. No “Hey, we met at the ice-cream social and I just wanted to follow up on something you said,” or — the more likely scenario — “Hey, I’ve got a range of sub-par investments I’d like to bend your ear about.” Nothing.

I wonder if they are surprised, as well, when I don’t call back. It’s nothing personal. Just a policy I have of not calling strangers simply because I’ve been beckoned. It’s policy, you see. So very sorry. Can’t do anything about it. Policy, you know.

I have another policy, which is that I don’t allow comments on my website of the “you’re a big fat idiot and ugly too” variety. I mean, have you looked at the URL? Its tonywoodlief.com.

Not FreeSpeechZone.com.

Not PleaseInsultMeOnMyOwnDime.com.

No, it’s tony-freaking-woodlief.com.

I know, the “freaking” isn’t in there. But some days I think it should be.

So the thing is, snookums, I don’t really care if you think I’m going to hell, or if you think people who believe in God are twits, or if you don’t like the way I summarized Derrida. This isn’t a democracy. You don’t get a vote in my kingdom. I may very well be stupid, and in any given post I’m probably dead wrong on more than one count, and of course I am a hypocrite and probably a fraud too, and I see myself in the mirror enough to have no illusions about my attractiveness. But the thing is, I pay the bills around here. So if you want to insult me or the other commenters here, you’ll just have to start your own website. Maybe call it:

IHaveNothingBetterToDoThanTrollOtherPeople’sWebsitesAndMakeAnAssOfMyself.com.

Just a thought.

And don’t take it personally, your insipid little comment not making it onto the page. It’s just policy, you know.

Addendum:

Just to be clear, I’m not ranting about any of my commenters. You’re free to disagree vigorously. I was talking about the occasional half-wit or ingrate who tries to post something really obnoxious. Regular obnoxiousness is okay. I mean, I’m not a pharisee over here.