It’s just policy

I still get surprised when complete strangers call my office, give only a first name and some financial- or insurance-sounding affiliation, and then ask me to call them back. No information. No “Hey, we met at the ice-cream social and I just wanted to follow up on something you said,” or — the more likely scenario — “Hey, I’ve got a range of sub-par investments I’d like to bend your ear about.” Nothing.

I wonder if they are surprised, as well, when I don’t call back. It’s nothing personal. Just a policy I have of not calling strangers simply because I’ve been beckoned. It’s policy, you see. So very sorry. Can’t do anything about it. Policy, you know.

I have another policy, which is that I don’t allow comments on my website of the “you’re a big fat idiot and ugly too” variety. I mean, have you looked at the URL? Its tonywoodlief.com.

Not FreeSpeechZone.com.

Not PleaseInsultMeOnMyOwnDime.com.

No, it’s tony-freaking-woodlief.com.

I know, the “freaking” isn’t in there. But some days I think it should be.

So the thing is, snookums, I don’t really care if you think I’m going to hell, or if you think people who believe in God are twits, or if you don’t like the way I summarized Derrida. This isn’t a democracy. You don’t get a vote in my kingdom. I may very well be stupid, and in any given post I’m probably dead wrong on more than one count, and of course I am a hypocrite and probably a fraud too, and I see myself in the mirror enough to have no illusions about my attractiveness. But the thing is, I pay the bills around here. So if you want to insult me or the other commenters here, you’ll just have to start your own website. Maybe call it:

IHaveNothingBetterToDoThanTrollOtherPeople’sWebsitesAndMakeAnAssOfMyself.com.

Just a thought.

And don’t take it personally, your insipid little comment not making it onto the page. It’s just policy, you know.

Addendum:

Just to be clear, I’m not ranting about any of my commenters. You’re free to disagree vigorously. I was talking about the occasional half-wit or ingrate who tries to post something really obnoxious. Regular obnoxiousness is okay. I mean, I’m not a pharisee over here.

Comments

  1. Daniel

    I think we made you mad.

    Sorry, brother! You’re one of the last people I’d want to make mad. ‘Cause then you might stop posting about The Snake.

    We follow your trials with The Snake closely in my house. Please don’t stop. We’ll think it got you.

  2. Marc V

    Yes, more snake!

    How about I-eat-Calvinists-for-lunch.com? That’s always a fun pot to stir. Please do keep the free ice cream coming, and don’t be disheartened by people who think they’re putting sprinkles on top and it turns out to be dirt.

  3. nichole

    It’s disheartening what people will put in an anonymous note or comment post or even an email, but they would never say it to your face. Your response is very entertaining though!

  4. C. Brace

    You are more fun than putting a rubber band around the kitchen sink sprayer and waiting for someone to turn on the water… some people just have no sense of humor.

    Keep them in check, Tony… you’re the best.

    (We’ll be building MM guns, please thank The Wife for us!)

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