January 30, 2003
Getting in Touch With Our Inner Crybaby
I recall that last September, ESPN promoted an "emotional interview with Randy Moss." You probably know to translate "emotional" into "teary," for the two have become synonymous in common parlance. There are differences, however, between grief and melodrama, between emotion and blubbering. I think many people have lost sight of the distinctions.
A consequence is that we have transformed crying into a spectator sport. You might think that this is a characteristic of a healthy nation, one that is in touch with its feelings, whatever that means. I think instead it is the outgrowth of our studied avoidance of the pain and heartache that are part of life.
Consider a typical farmer a hundred years ago. He toiled with his family to break the soil and pull life from it. Maybe one of his children died before adulthood. Hopes could come crashing down with a bad drought, or a brutal winter, or even the death of a horse. He and his small community endured against the elements, wept at funerals, sang in church. They frequently faced fear and rejoiced in small triumphs.
Now imagine that you transport this farmer to September, 2002, and make him endure an "emotional interview with Randy Moss." Do you think he would find it unseemly that a man sits in front of thousands of strangers, blubbering about his trials and tribulations as a young millionaire exempted from ordinary legal standards?
Ah, but the fans love it. Such displays are a safe substitute for real emotion. We can tear up for a bit, then have a chuckle as the interviewer breaks the tension. When we grow bored we can simply change the channel, perhaps to another artificial emotional spectacle, say, a Very Special Episode of "Frasier."
Sometimes I think we have become vampires -- not really alive, but needing the lifeblood of others for sustenance. We surround ourselves with distractions and take all manner of steps to insulate ourselves (and our children) from pain and disappointment. Yet we still crave emotional stimulation, so we immerse ourselves in the lives of real and fictional heroes.
Maybe this Vampire Hypothesis also explains our national obsession with seeing the victims of tragedy interviewed on television. By doing so we can glom on to their emotion, perhaps even have a good cry ourselves, without ever confronting the elements of their experience that horrify and fascinate us -- the meaning of death, the nature of pain, the purpose of life. By burrowing into the tragedies on our TV screen -- the film footage, the Oprah interview, the made-for-TV docudrama -- we hide from the tragedies in our own lives.
A consequence is that we embarrass ourselves when emotion becomes unavoidable. I'm thinking of some NYC firefighters, who in several months went from heroic to intolerably self-obsessed, willing to put on an emotional display at the pop of a camera light. I'm thinking also of the families of crime, and accident victims, who have been persuaded that it is acceptable to hold press conferences in the midst of their emotional shock, pouring out stream-of-consciousness eulogies interspersed with sobbing.
To be sure, public displays of emotion are often ennobling. Some newscasters could not contain their tears when reporting President Kennedy's assassination. More recently, I remember the look of horror and disgust on a CNN news anchorwoman's face when she reported that someone was producing an O.J. Simpson cutlery set. Such expressions are moving precisely because the people involved try to control themselves. Perhaps their restraint is a sign that their emotions are not shallow sentiment.
Furthermore, when embraced and endured, suffering and the intense emotion that accompanies it often find expression in beauty, be this an articulation, a creation, or simply a peaceful countenance. As a raw material, deep emotion can be ugly and frightening, as it should be, and so we properly share it in this form only with people we know and trust.
However, when we applaud -- without discrimination -- every display of emotion, we lose our sense of proportion. We also encourage skilled prevaricators. The most recent notable example, of course, is former President Clinton. I recall that the first President Bush was knocked, during the 1992 campaign, for failing to reveal enough about his feelings. A skilled crybaby was suddenly assumed to have more emotional depth than a WWII veteran who buried a child at age three.
If we continue to reward leaders for their capacity to spout tears as a means of expressing sentiment, we may soon, I fear, be just like the French, only without the cheese and three-month summer vacations. It's all so disheartening, this decline in national backbone, that I think I may just sit down and have a good cry. If I do, I'll be sure to snap a few pictures in the mirror and post them here tomorrow.
Posted by Woodlief on January 30, 2003 at 08:38 AM
Good Lord, T, do you want some cheese to go with that whine?
From your very emotional friend,
Shawn
Posted by: Shawn Small at January 30, 2003 11:25 AM
Shawn,
That was (sniff), very, very hurtful (sniff). I need to go (sniff) spend some time in my quiet place.
Posted by: Tony at January 30, 2003 11:33 AM
Re your statement "Maybe this Vampire Hypothesis also explains our national obsession with seeing the victims of tragedy interviewed on television."
I would say that only a small number of people are obsessed with seeing those victims on television and they are the television networks. I'm certainly not out trolling for victims to interview and display on my network--I don't have a network!
Television is no longer a vast wasteland, it is a cafeteria serving swill. But just because swill and garbage are on the menu every day does not mean that I have a taste for garbage.
Posted by: Bruce Briant at January 30, 2003 1:00 PM
I didn't think it was all that "whiny", but one man's whine is another's argument.
I do agree that the exploitation of emotion has gotten out of hand. With so many media sources competing on news stories, someone somewhere will use the emotion angle to sell their story.
One particular event happened Monday night on NBC evening news. The reporter was looking for reactions from school kids on the upcoming Iraqi invasion, and he found an 8 year old boy whose father had been sent to that area.
"Where do you think your dad is now?"
"Somewhere far, far away."
"What's your worst fear?"
" " [Picture of boy covering his eyes with his hands, crying]
It was all I could do to not throw something at the TV. It's good that God will give this reporter the judgement that he deserves, because I would be inclined to slap him even more senseless. How a producer and director could allow this to air is also incredible.
Posted by: MarcV at January 30, 2003 1:14 PM
he he he... Small Shawn said so eloquently what crossed my mind. Being the token regular SitG reading liberal here I've generally kept this stuff to myself and picked my battles, but while we're on the subject...
A recommendation to you Tony- get rid of cable and watch as little television as possible. Most of it is crap anyway.
I used to find myself a very bitter mood, angry at how lousy/ shallow/ melodramatic our media/popular music/ tv programming is, etc. I hated MTV and most of the bands they played, (among many, many other channels), but could not help but watch it. Maybe it was just so I could seethe in my contempt and hatred for it? Sometimes I wonder if some part of me liked that feeling, and dare I say it Tony, maybe you do too? All that time I could have done something productive. In retrospect, the time I spent watching C-Span is pretty much the only time I feel wasn't wasted.
Somewhere along the way between graduating HS, going college, leaving the nest and living in the real world (translation - paying my own bills) I decided that cable was an expense that was not worth it (translation - too poor to afford it).
I make a little more now, and could incur the expense, and granted there is a certain amount on cable that I wish I could see, but overall not having cable has been, inadvenrtantly, a really good move for my mental state. Occasionally I'm at my parents house for more than a day (or someone elses for that matter) that has cable. I find myself flipping thru the channels while an internal monologe spits fire in contempt of the crap that I'm watching, and yet I CANNOT LOOK AWAY!
All this bitching will not make it better. Face it, we as a nation like crap. Barbra Walter Specials, Super Bowl halftime shows, 'The Bachelor', "special" Randy Moss interviews, etc. One could say that the US is the finest purveyor of crap the world has ever known, quantity and quality! Everybody I know, mostly liberals mind you but even a few on the conservative side, say similar if not the same thing, that most of what's on TV is crap. Exploiting people's emotions and desires, all appealing to the lowest common denominator. And we complain about it, but we eat it up. It's like dining at a cesspool and complaining when they serve you s**t. It's not going to get any better.
One side note - if you really must know how Brittany and Justin are doing, do what I do; get on a long line at the Supermarket and read as much of People magazine as you can till you have to pay for your stuff.
Posted by: Palmer Haas at January 30, 2003 1:15 PM
It's writing like this that makes me waste so much time when I should be working. It's all your fault Tony.
Posted by: Tim at January 30, 2003 2:27 PM
Palmer:
It is with great joy that I whole-heartedly agree with you.
Yes, I just agreed with Palmer.
I am in a similar situation (too broke to pay for cable), and mostly, I miss it not a bit (though admittedly, there are a few stations that I would love - SciFi, Cartoon Network, and Discovery jump out at me).
But as to unable to look away - that's so true. When I'm at my mother-in-laws, I get sucked in. It's crap, and there's nothing on worth watching, but I watch anyway. Stupid, isn't it?
But then, one of my primary beliefs is that all human beings are stupid. (Unfortunately, that includes me; I put a lot of effort in to trying to overcome my human stupidity, but every once in a while... I do something like lock myself out of my car with the engine running, or something, and it reminds me why it sucks to be human. Not that I have a spefic suggestion as to what it would be better to be, mind you.)
Posted by: Deoxy at January 30, 2003 2:50 PM
Posted by: Tony at January 30, 2003 3:39 PM
The exploitation of tears, yes, is annoying in adults, but worse in children. MarcV mentioned the child on the Iraq story in the news. I don't have many eloquent thoughts on the subject of showing off a child's pain that publically.
Just one.
Disgusting.
Posted by: Jessica at January 30, 2003 4:53 PM
I too have no Tv , had the cable disconnected last week. Surprisingly, I found that pro Wrestling was near about the best stuff available on TV!! Doesn't that say something about the content of what passes for quality TV? Unfortunately, what is available on radio isnt much better. Thats why, i walk round witha portable CD player.
-Sid
from the People's Republic of Ann Arbor,
where we suffer under the "tyranny of the oppressed"!!!
Posted by: sid at January 30, 2003 11:04 PM
I generally agree with you that seeing people's emotions on display all the time can get a little pornographic. But, I'm thinking back to Bush's inaguaration when he had tears in his eyes and I found it quite moving and though I hadn't voted for him, I found myself liking him a lot. It seemed very real and I guess I was eager for realness after 8 years of Bill. Agree/Disagree that sometimes it is ok?
Posted by: Kashei at January 31, 2003 11:18 AM
I think that almost everything is 'o.k', given the right circumstances, tears included. If you're honestly sad, or happy, sure, go ahead and cry. It helps to have a visible and tangible release of emotion. But I think that what Tony was saying was that it's not honest nor fair to one's real emotions to cry for the sake of crying.
I apologize if I accidentally put words into your mouth, Mr. Woodlief.
Posted by: Jessica at February 3, 2003 5:48 PM
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Posted by: dffasdo'fl;kf at May 10, 2003 7:16 PM
You need to go sniff sniff somewhere else! And Sniff Good sniff Bye sniff. Isn't that anoying?
Posted by: Kayal at May 10, 2003 7:19 PM
