February 07, 2003
Dear grocery store,
What's up with putting tomato paste on a different aisle from chopped tomatoes? Do you think that squishing the tomato transforms it into an entirely different food genus? And those automatic sprinklers in Produce -- what the hell? If I get spots on one more starched shirt I'm sending you the drycleaning bill.
Here's a hint: take those little motion sensors you have over the doors -- the ones that assume I am a large turtle and therefore remain resolutely shut until the last second so that I have to stutter step to avoid smacking my face on the glass -- and put them on the sprinklers in Produce.
And another thing, now that the smack is on: you are really starting to cheese me with those little "Very Special Customer" barcode things you expect me to hang from my key chain. I understand the deal -- I give you intimate knowledge of my purchasing habits, and in return you occasionally let me buy a $9.99 gallon of orange juice for thirty-seven cents. The problem is this: sometimes I run in while my wife waits out in the car. If you had children, grocery store, you'd understand. It's like staging the Normandy Invasion out there, getting everybody out of the car, and for a pack of toilet paper it just isn't worth the effort. So sometimes I end up in line, all excited about getting a break on the Pop-Tarts, only to learn that the price I saw was the "special" price, for loners who don't have anyone to leave in their cars.
You think you are so smart, with your little discount cards. Well guess what -- every time I forget mine, I borrow one from somebody else in line. You think Gladys the 50 year-old lesbian with four cats really bought diapers and a box of Goldfish last week? Ha ha ha, grocery store. In your face.
Posted by Woodlief on February 07, 2003 at 08:56 AM
My local grocery store is so lax on the issue, the cashiers will swipe their own cards if you do not have one. I never got one, yet I always get the discount. Great, eh?
It is thought the store has bought itself only half a clue: The customers really do not care about the little card, but they still want to keep the program?
Posted by: Clint at February 7, 2003 9:58 AM
I'm a firm believer that grocery stores should do away with "club" programs, discounts for card holders, AND mailers. Just offer the lowest prices in town and the customers will flock to you.
Posted by: Da Goddess at February 7, 2003 11:30 AM
Some drug stores use the discount cards too. Seems like WalMart is the only place I shop ( beside the grocerias) at that hasn't started one of those programs (yet).
You know they will never use motion sensors at the produce stand to stop the water. That water weight is a virtual revenue stream, especially when you have to buy leaf lettuce. Hmmm, should I stand there for five minutes trying to shake off the half-pound of water soaked into the leaves, or just put it in the bag and go?!?
Posted by: MarcV at February 7, 2003 12:25 PM
I don't hang mine from my keychain; I just stick it in the wallet. I know it has a little hole to go on my keychain, but so what?
As to the multiple people/one card problem, I bet they'll give you all a card if you ask real nice.
And I always make up bogus personal info when I fill out those kinds of things, just like the online registration forms to access various websites. For all you know, I could be Gladys, the 50-year-old lesbian with four cats.
Posted by: James at February 7, 2003 1:43 PM
I know you're angry about this (or merely frustrated) but I couldn't help bursting into laughter upon reading "Ha ha ha, grocery store. In your face." My class is looking at me now, and I should probably log off.
Anyways, I agree with you.
Posted by: Jessica at February 7, 2003 5:11 PM
Da Goddess: Surely, surely there is Trader Joe's in San Diego? The Best. No "club" discounts, no stupid specials, lots of good stuff (the emphasis used to be on frozen foods and booze, but they are getting in more and more fresh produce, bread &c. — plus ever more exotic foods and household products and you name it). Quite an amazing operation, and pretty terrific pricing as a rule.
Mind you, where I live TJ's is the second-closest of three grocery stores all within 5 min. walking distance, so I'm spoiled. (The first is Whole Foods — better than TJ's for some produce and for, oh, local micro-brews, fresh rabbit, that sort of thing; massively inferior for everything else.)
Posted by: Michelle Dulak at February 7, 2003 9:18 PM
Mr. Woodlief;
Actually in Europe chopped tomatoes and tomato sauce are legally entirely different food genii. There are detailed regulations concerning at what point chopping tomatoes turns them into sauce. Perhaps the grocery store is merely being forward looking.
Posted by: Annoying Old Guy at February 8, 2003 9:23 AM
Annoying Old Guy;
Only a European would consider this "forward looking."
Posted by: Anonymous at February 8, 2003 10:57 AM
In regarsd to your tomato qiestion, fresh tomatoes are displayed separately because they are fresh. As for the mister system the greens would wilt and die quickly. This would result in greater losses and, therefore, higher prices for you the consumer
Posted by: Frank at February 9, 2003 2:56 PM
Uh, Frank--
You're new here aren't you?
There's this whole 'gripe with stunning sarcasm' that Tony likes to use when blogging. I know what you're thinking: Didn't Jerry Seinfeld make a whole TV show based on that premise? Well, yes, but here at SitG, there are no annoying commercials, only annoying commenters.
-Shawn
Posted by: Anonymous at February 10, 2003 8:53 AM
Frank,
Your grocery store sells fresh chopped tomatoes? Excellent. I was referring, you see, to the chopped tomatoes that come in a can, and get stuck about 50 yards from the aisle that has tomato paste (also in cans -- does your grocery store have that in the Produce Section too?).
Posted by: Tony Woodlief at February 11, 2003 1:17 AM
All of our Memphis friends who moved here to Louisville still use the same cards we had down there. There are at least 6 of us. I always wonder if they figured out that we moved here or just think 6 hours is a good drive for some "specials."
PS. Pop-Tarts? eeks. Almost as bad as instant grits for breakfast.
Posted by: Cis at February 11, 2003 1:40 AM
Cis,
I*****t G***s? I'd prefer if you not post profanity on this site.
Posted by: Tony at February 12, 2003 8:39 AM
Grocery stores often don't make sense. But the zany halfwits who offer us poorly-packaged cold cuts are the criminals who deserve our righteous and unending wrath.
Posted by: Charles Hueter at February 13, 2003 2:01 AM
