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Tuesday, March 20th, 2007 Posted in Greatest Hits | Comments Off

Apparently pregnancy is miserable. I've never been pregnant, but I get all the sympathy symptoms, plus I put on weight. Believe it or not, pregnancy is even harder on my wife. At least that's what she says. One area where our ...

Christ v. Christian

Monday, March 19th, 2007 Posted in Greatest Hits | Comments Off

Though I expected Michael Lewis's Blind Side to do for football what his Moneyball did for baseball, I found my stomach churning as I read the story of Michael Oher, a black child neglected for years in the slums and ...

Inside Out

Wednesday, February 28th, 2007 Posted in Greatest Hits | Comments Off

Upon hearing the news that the U.S. may soon sit down with representatives from Syria and Iran to talk through our issues, it struck me that the phrase Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice used to describe this initiative, a "diplomatic ...

All Politics is Local

Tuesday, January 30th, 2007 Posted in Greatest Hits | Comments Off

"I always get a little queasy," I began my speech, "when a group of people gets together to spend other people's money." Last night was my first attendance at a homeowner's association meeting, and I was there to defend my ...

Barbarians in the Den

Friday, January 19th, 2007 Posted in Greatest Hits, The Art of Parenting | Comments Off

I'll begin by admitting that I was a slacker during most of my high school and undergraduate careers. I coasted on horsepower. Had I possessed a scrap of self-discipline and vision, I would be wiser now. This matters to me ...

Lost and Found

Friday, January 12th, 2007 Posted in Greatest Hits | Comments Off

I'm trying to work from home, after flying back early to beat the ice storm. The youngest boy is in the next room with his belly on a big recliner that can spin 360 degrees. He is racing around and ...

Goodness and Courage

Saturday, December 30th, 2006 Posted in Greatest Hits | Comments Off

I was up at 5 a.m. this morning, and heard on the BBC that Saddam Hussein had been hanged not long before. I found myself initially exultant, but then I began to think about whether it matters. This is because ...

Tuesday, November 14th, 2006 Posted in Greatest Hits | Comments Off

I'm sitting in an airport restaurant near three men, three boisterous men drinking at 10:30 a.m. on a Tuesday. The oldest, who appears to be about thirty-five and dressed like he's twenty, is instructing the others on the tragedy of ...

A Whisper

Wednesday, October 18th, 2006 Posted in Greatest Hits | Comments Off

The day after I wrote about the miraculous recovery of Caleb's goldfish, the damn thing up and died. We had a funeral service in the back yard, beside a tiny redbud sapling. I decided to make it a dual funeral, ...

Three Cowboys

Thursday, June 22nd, 2006 Posted in Greatest Hits | 7 Comments »

Last night we went to The Prairie Rose Chuckwagon supper, where they feed you brisket, beans, and biscuits until you pop, and then sing cowboy songs. Caleb and Eli went in their cowboy gear: big hats, shooting irons guns strapped ...

My Tribe

Friday, June 16th, 2006 Posted in Greatest Hits | 7 Comments »

I've been thinking about tribes, and how we all belong to them, and how sometimes the most important part of membership is that others not be members. Our neighborhood is like that, governed by a clique of sour old women ...

Cleansing

Tuesday, June 6th, 2006 Posted in Greatest Hits | 9 Comments »

I'm the designated bather in our house. Sure, sometimes the wife has to bring it, but on a daily basis, I'm the go-to guy. Okay, I lied a little. We don't wash our kids every day. With the onslaught of summer ...

Father of the Year

Monday, March 27th, 2006 Posted in Greatest Hits | 24 Comments »

I'm in an air museum with all three boys in tow. The two oldest are seated in the replica cockpit of a helicopter. The youngest and most troublesome is strapped to my back in a contraption designed for children less ...

Honey Don’t Ever Leave Me

Thursday, December 22nd, 2005 Posted in Greatest Hits | 8 Comments »

My wife is a miracle worker. I know this from the fact that every day I come home and the children are neither dead nor in the custody of the state. I like to think I have some organizational skill. ...

Foil Wrappers

Friday, November 4th, 2005 Posted in Greatest Hits, Snapshots of Life | 11 Comments »

Isaac discovered there's candy in those shiny scraps of paper the boys are hoarding. I don't know if you've ever had a toddler new to walking try to run from you, but it is a tragicomic sight: little hips wiggling ...

Spider, Man

Monday, October 24th, 2005 Posted in Greatest Hits | 13 Comments »

There's little more humbling than squealing like a little girl in front of the youngsters you've been charged with raising into men. After the arduous task of dressing three little boys for church - a chore that, let me tell ...

Love and Taxes

Tuesday, April 19th, 2005 Posted in Greatest Hits, Snapshots of Life | 10 Comments »

Despite what you might think, doing taxes together is not a good means of drawing close to your spouse. I can see how one might expect otherwise, that it could foster a "You and me versus the World" mentality, or simply ...

Look Before You Leap

Monday, March 14th, 2005 Posted in Greatest Hits, Snapshots of Life | 13 Comments »

We're playing in the back yard, soaking up the last warmth before another cold front rolls in. I'm kicking a miniature soccer ball around and Caleb and Eli are squealing as they chase it, periodically whacking me in the shins ...

Buy High and Sell Low

Friday, April 30th, 2004 Posted in Greatest Hits, Pure Comedy | 8 Comments »

I've not yet had the need to plan my own funeral, but I suspect that when I do it will be much like preparing for a yard sale. There's the general sense of getting one's affairs in order, tidying things ...

The Indian Princess Year

Sunday, March 7th, 2004 Posted in Faith and Life, Greatest Hits | 31 Comments »

I haven't written much about Caroline for the past year. I felt like I should just be done with this. So I put all my energy into other writing. But she is always there, lingering in the back of my ...

Viggo Redux

Monday, February 3rd, 2003 Posted in Greatest Hits | 164 Comments »

It appears that a cabal of Viggo fans decided to bomb the comments on my earlier post, in which I called Viggo Mortensen an idiot. I'd like to share my reply, also posted in the comments section. I'm a shameless self-promoter ...

Sports Idol

Thursday, January 16th, 2003 Posted in Greatest Hits | 12 Comments »

The ESPN advertisement on the wall inside the Metro car reads as follows: Without sports, who would we follow? There is much to take note of here, but most only in passing. There is the poor grammar -- but it is unfair ...

Recovering From Christmas

Monday, December 30th, 2002 Posted in Greatest Hits | 46 Comments »

So we're back from Christmas vacation. One downside of having my name on this website is the fact that many people I know read it. So I'll be cryptic. Here's a nice rule to follow: if you have small children ...

United States: Empire of Darkness

Friday, December 20th, 2002 Posted in Greatest Hits, Judo Chops | 62 Comments »

I try to avoid hearing what actors have to say about politics. Stupid (e.g., Ed Asner) or evil (e.g., Vanessa Redgrave) views ruin my ability to enjoy an actor's work. By chance I turned on Charlie Rose last night. He ...

Guide to Yard Adornment

Monday, December 2nd, 2002 Posted in Greatest Hits | 6 Comments »

One thing I've forgotten about long drives is that they allow one to see how people across socioeconomic strata choose to decorate their yards. I say "choose" because this is -- unfortunately, at times -- a free country. And the ...

Witness and False Witness

Monday, November 25th, 2002 Posted in DVD Reviews, Greatest Hits | 7 Comments »

I used to have a dentist, by the name of (I am not making this up) Dr. Payne. He was an entertainer, as are many dentists, perhaps because the field is less regulated (i.e., the competition is more intense). During ...

The Incompetence Tax

Wednesday, October 9th, 2002 Posted in Greatest Hits | 15 Comments »

I've been thinking about something I call the Incompetence Tax. It's one of those taxes we often pay without realizing that we are doing so, like a gasoline tax, or a telephone usage tax. It seems that no good or ...

Ten Reasons I Love Americans

Monday, September 9th, 2002 Posted in Greatest Hits | 18 Comments »

I don't think one can ever be too grumpy, but I sense that I am getting exceedingly close to that asymptotic limit. I look over my writing here and find a fair amount of griping, which troubles me. Leftists are ...

Democratic Sentimentality

Tuesday, September 3rd, 2002 Posted in Greatest Hits | 10 Comments »

Albert Gore, Jr. has cogitated himself a new campaign theme: the People vs. the Powerful. "The People," are the shortsighted oafs required to provide Gore with a plurality in states totaling 270 electoral votes, while "the Powerful" are those of ...

So, What’s on Your Bumper?

Monday, August 12th, 2002 Posted in Greatest Hits | 71 Comments »

I saw a bumper sticker this weekend that you've probably seen before: "If you are against abortion, don't have one." This brought to mind some alternatives that rely on the same logic: "If you are against slavery, don't own one." "If you are against ...