Sand in the Gears

A Word for Those Who Would Draw Near to Grief

Wednesday, February 17th, 2016 Posted in The Sermons | 15 Comments »

An electric wire runs through her, scalp to sole, and this grief has stripped it bare. His despair inhabits him, and inside he is falling down a dark shaft, falling into himself, into the shadows there. And here you stand, and ...

Lament

Thursday, April 17th, 2014 Posted in Faith and Life, The Sermons | 26 Comments »

When we tucked what remained of that little girl into the earth, I was relieved it was over. I was filled with something that felt like transcendence. We had weathered the storm, we had kept the faith, we had given ...

The prodigal and I

Wednesday, February 19th, 2014 Posted in Faith and Life | 26 Comments »

I passed through Wichita today, which was no small thing for me, because on every corner is loss. That is the place we took our children to see a game not long before we divorced. There is the building where ...

The Shape of Eleven

Wednesday, March 7th, 2007 Posted in Faith and Life | Comments Off on The Shape of Eleven

She would have been eleven today. I would have made her favorite meal, which is spaghetti, and we would have had cake, probably something with pink frosting, and I would have eaten a slice even though I gave up sugar ...

A Whisper

Wednesday, October 18th, 2006 Posted in Faith and Life, Greatest Hits | Comments Off on A Whisper

The day after I wrote about the miraculous recovery of Caleb's goldfish, the damn thing up and died. We had a funeral service in the back yard, beside a tiny redbud sapling. I decided to make it a dual funeral, ...

Tracks

Wednesday, May 4th, 2005 Posted in The Art of Parenting | 8 Comments »

Some things are stitched through your life like a thread. I'm thinking of railroad tracks, which really are like threads, or perhaps great running scars. I learned to fear them when I was little; my grandmother would remind me often ...

Flowers

Wednesday, April 27th, 2005 Posted in Faith and Life | 10 Comments »

I keep finding tender purple pansies growing in corners of my yard where they were never planted. Stubborn and fragile, cheerful without cause, they remind me of Caroline. Purple was her favorite color. She used to help me plant the ...

Birthday

Monday, March 7th, 2005 Posted in Faith and Life | 23 Comments »

Sometimes when people learn that I have three boys, they say something like: "don't you want a little girl to go with all those boys?" I remember when we thought we were in the worst of Caroline's dying, after she ...

The Path

Tuesday, October 19th, 2004 Posted in Faith and Life | 1 Comment »

With a sigh she was gone, five years ago tonight. Somewhere in these last years it became true that the time since we lost her is greater than the time we had her. I've come to measure the years by ...

The Indian Princess Year

Sunday, March 7th, 2004 Posted in Faith and Life | 31 Comments »

I haven't written much about Caroline for the past year. I felt like I should just be done with this. So I put all my energy into other writing. But she is always there, lingering in the back of my ...