Dear SanDisk Corporation,
I have admired your thumb drives from the beginning. They fit in my pocket. No more inadvertantly inserting a data CD in my truck and wondering if I’d accidentally purchased some kind of post-Modern German techno-punk-death metal fusion music. You were providing the public with a much-needed product.
But you couldn’t stop there, could you, SanDisk Conglomerate? No, you had to get fancy. You saw Steve Jobs on a magazine cover one too many times, and figured you could get into the big leagues.
And here’s the irritating result, SanDisk Megalith. I go to the store to buy one of your handy thumb drives so my wife can load pictures from our old Dell onto it, and then transfer them to her laptop as well as mine. And what do we get from you?
Don’t deny it, SanDisk Behemoth. Instead of giving us the handy thumb drive we’ve come to love and expect, you loaded this little beast with your stupid “U3 Launching Pad,” and filled it with antivirus software, games, and other crap that we already have too much of thanks to Microsoft.
And it’s not like we can just load our pictures around the garbage, is it? No, we have to navigate your uber-trendy “U3 Launching Pad and Helicopter Platform” to figure out how to make the actual thumb drive part useful in each computer.
Do you have children, soulless SanDisk Corporation? Have you ever tried to interpret the directions for your own crap while two toddlers nip at your heels? Have you ever set aside ten precious minutes for a task, only to find that the simple screwdriver you thought you bought is actually a thermal trimming knife? Do you know what kind of homicidal rage it fills you with, SanDisk Corporation, to hold that entirely useless thermal trimming knife in your hand when all you wanted was a SIMPLE FRICKING SCREWDRIVER?!?
Be thankful I don’t have your home address, SanDisk Corporation. Be very thankful.