The inner dark

“I mean if I have any inclination at all, or you, to start being whatever in God’s name it means to be a ‘child of God’ — and let’s say there is no argument for having such an inclination, but let’s just suppose that at certain unguarded moments we have it, this inclination to start being children of God — have we any idea at all what by the grace of God we are in all likelihood going to have to stop being, stop doing, stop having, stop pretending, stop smacking our lips over, stop hating, stop being scared of, stop chasing after till we’re blue in the face and sick at the stomach? O God, deliver us from the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world, because that sin of the world is our heart’s desire…

It is no easy matter to save us when half the time we don’t even want to be saved because we are so at home in the darkness that is home. We none of us come to the end of our days with the saving more than a fraction done at best. But, praise God, the end of our days is not the end of us.”

                                                       * Frederick Buechner, “Air for Two Voices”


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