My friend John Miller brings the smack on modern vampires. This may be a good way to sum it up: if your bloodsucker needs hair gel, he’s really just a big thirsty sissy with bad teeth. In general, vampires ought to be scarier than personal injury attorneys. Though both species deserve a stake through their shriveled black hearts.
This little essay came to me more as a dream or a prayer, and people seem to like it, so I thought I’d share it