Tony Woodlief | Author

Month: July 2008

Let Them Eat Cake

I’m hard-pressed to think of a time when otherwise decent, sensible people have argued for something as wicked as what is advocated by The Wall Street Journal’s Holman Jenkins today. Jenkins joins forces with Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke, among other voices calling for the demolition of housing in order to mitigate falling home prices. …

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Hug a Biology Major

More proof that Education degrees ought to go the way of Phrenology: “The findings show that TFA [Teach for America] teachers are more effective, as measured by student exam performance, than traditional teachers. Moreover, they suggest that the TFA effect, at least in the grades and subjects investigated, exceeds the impact of additional years of …

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Taking it under advisement

From loyal reader John T., following an exchange about bears, and the penchant among wildlife authorities for valuing their lives over the lives of hikers: “When it comes to the safety of my family, I have relegated the government to an advisory role only.”

Tooth fairy

William Isaac Woodlief: “Where is the tooth fairy’s house? I want to go there.” I don’t believe he’s thought that out. I mean, what does she do with all those teeth? And how does she earn all these coins she hands out? And what kind of person goes creeping into children’s bedrooms? I’m just saying.

Funnel Cloud

This is a belated thank you for David Anderson of Iowa, who was kind and generous enough to visit my Amazon Wishlist and send me a copy of Hem’s Funnel Cloud. I heart Hem. I’m not sure if this makes me a girl (either the adoration of Hem, or the employment of “heart” as a …

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Modern madness

A quote from my patron saint, were I to have one, which maybe I do and simply don’t realize it: “A time is coming when people will go mad and when they see someone who is not mad, they will attack him, saying: ‘You are mad, you are not like us.’” — St. Anthony the …

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The thing about boys who call their thingies by the clinical name is that it’s creepy. This is why my sons call it a wiener, to Wife’s utter mortification. She defers to me nonetheless, as the resident expert on all things wiener-related. The problem is that, as some of you may know, there is more …

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Those of you who enjoy fiction, or who enjoy supporting artists, or who simply like the cut of my jib should head on over to your local Barnes and Noble to pick up a copy of Image, issue 58, which carries my third ever published short story. The title is “Name,” and I’m quite fond …

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Personal Watermelon

We found ourselves in Wichita last night, where we did some last-minute grocery shopping. My wife and I are southerners, and thus no Fourth of July can be celebrated on our property without watermelon. As we wandered through the wide produce section of the fancy Dillons, I spied this abomination: “Personal Watermelons.” Apparently some farmer …

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Yesterday I was supposed to spend the afternoon painting. We have many square feet of wood in need of paint. This was my mission. Instead, we drove into the biggest honky tonk near our wilderness spread, which happens to be the little Kansas town of Newton. Little Newton has two worthy bookstores, and a health …

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